Goddess Secret Page 9

  “You could have told me this yesterday.”

  “I didn’t want you knowing the emotions behind the tremors. I know you worry about the boundaries of our friendship. I figured if I told you what I was thinking about, then you’d get mad at me for feeling ignored.”

  She nodded, not saying anything. He had a point there.

  “I think that’s why I got so mad about Adin. I had just embraced my neglected, unrequited feelings right before I found out he wasn’t helping you—”

  “He is helping me!”

  “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I know he’s helping you, but I had just found out that he chose not to get to know Venus. I know I would’ve handled myself differently. I still know that, but since I had to feel completely neglected by you to make the tremors happen, it made me feel—in that moment—like you deserved better than what you were getting from Adin. I just wasn’t emotionally ready to deal with Adin not giving you want you wanted. Even if you understood his reasons.”

  She felt herself calming down a little by his admission. She took a deep breath and stared into River’s eyes. “That makes sense.”

  He sighed and briefly smiled, relaxing his arms. “So can we forget the nonsense about no physical contact?”

  “No.”

  “Legacy, please.”

  “No, River. We can still be best friends and do stuff together, but I think you need a break from me. I don’t want you getting your hopes up about a relationship that’s never going to happen.” She stared at him, making sure he understood what she wanted.

  “So by break, you mean this new, completely unfair boundary might only be temporary?” River smiled again.

  “Maybe.” She raised her eyebrows.

  “Okay,” he said, nodding.

  “There’s still no physical contact for now, so why are you taking this better than you were a few minutes ago?”

  “Because my hope is back.”

  She rolled her eyes and cracked a smile. “You’re incorrigible.”

  “You know,” he started, stepping closer to her. “We just had a pretty serious argument, and the weather never changed. You’re getting better at controlling your emotions.”

  She laughed. “Hmm…I guess you’re right. You’re getting better too. If it took feelings of neglect to make you create tremors, I’m sure those neglected feelings have never been any stronger than they were a few minutes ago.”

  “No doubt. I did feel completely desolated for a few minutes, and not a single tremor developed.”

  The bell rang, signaling lunch was over. River walked her and Calli to their English class, and once inside, she gave Calli the rundown of her conversation with River. Legacy was happy she didn’t back down from her stance, but Calli was disbelieving this new boundary would last. She really didn’t care how long she could make it last, but at least she knew she had a breather from River’s advances for the foreseeable future.

  After school, River and Calli came over so they could study for their Chemistry quiz. They had a lot to go over on the mole concept, molar mass, and molecular formula calculations. Legacy was completely lost, but River was patient with her as he explained all the concepts and calculations.

  After a few hours of hitting the books, Calli was ready for a break.

  “I’m grabbing a soda. Do either of you want anything?”

  River shook his head, but Legacy was parched. They were already in the kitchen, so she just stood up and walked to the refrigerator with Calli to get their drinks. As she and Calli and opened them, Calli turned to River.

  “Legacy told me you could start an earthquake.”

  River chuckled. “Yeah.”

  Her eyes were bright. “Can you show me?”

  River’s eyes flashed over to Legacy and then back to Calli. “I can try.”

  “You don’t have to,” Legacy said, shaking her head. She honestly didn’t like the fact that he had to embrace negative feelings to do so.

  Calli pinched her arm and frowned at her. “Please?” she asked River.

  He nodded at her, put his elbows on the table, and leaned his head down into his hands, shutting his eyes. He sat quietly for several seconds, but nothing happened. He lifted his head and shrugged.

  “You’re not trying hard enough,” Calli said, shaking her head. “Try again.”

  “I have to be in the right mindset to make it happen.”

  “What mindset is that?”

  River sighed and looked down. “I’ve only noticed it working when I think about how unfair it is that Legacy is with Adin and not me.”

  What hell was Calli doing? She already knew all this.

  “Really?” Calli had a devilish look in her eyes. “Well, did Legacy tell you that she and Adin have talked about sex?”

  “Calli!” Legacy yelled.

  River gasped, and his hand flew up to his chest like he was protecting his heart. His eyes cut to Legacy for a split second, and then he closed them. Calli got what she was looking for—the ground shook.

  After a few seconds, though, the tremors got worse.

  “River?” she asked, but he covered his ears and shook his head, keeping his eyes closed. She figured he was trying to find some happy place inside to give him the comfort he needed to stop what he was doing.

  But the tremors got stronger. She and Calli grabbed the counter to steady themselves, but River didn’t want to feel steadied. He jumped out of his seat, his chair crashing to the ground. He kept his eyes shut and his ears covered while he shook his head uncontrollably and backed away from them.

  “River, you have to calm down,” Legacy ordered.

  He didn’t say anything. He just turned around and ran for the door. After he got out of the house, she heard a bloodcurdling scream so loud that the glasses on the counter shattered, and she and Calli covered their ears. The earthquake was intensifying; stuff started falling from the cabinets, so they ran for cover.

  As River peeled out of her driveway, the tremors died down, and she sat next to Calli, staring at her in disbelief. “Calli, how could you?”

  “I’m sorry, Legacy. I-I had no idea he’d act that way,” she said frantically.

  “What did you expect? He’s ascending next month, so he’s still learning what he can do and how to control those abilities. Besides, mentioning Adin like that was a really low blow!”

  “He knows Adin is your boyfriend, and guys think about sex all the time. I’m sure River has already considered this possibility.”

  “Yeah, a possibility he could discredit before. But you just confirmed that thought. Besides, what I do with Adin is none of River’s business. You know how much I hate hurting him by choosing Adin. Besides, anything we talk about is between us.”

  “Oh God, you’re absolutely right.” Calli shut her eyes. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

  Legacy sighed, and they both got up and headed back to the kitchen. Calli gathered her books and the few things that had fallen onto the floor. Legacy stacked River’s books, thinking about him.

  “Can you take me home? My ride left without me.”

  “Sure.”

  On the way to Calli’s house, Legacy noticed the river was choppy, as if it were flowing in all sorts of directions. The boats tied to the dock were swaying forcefully, and some had broken loose. The wind was blowing in every direction too. She was sure these things had to do with River.

  When they got to Calli’s house, she saw River’s car parked at his. She grabbed his books from the backseat. “I’ll see you later,” Legacy said.

  “Legacy, what are you doing?”

  She didn’t have to ask. It was obvious. “I have to talk to him.”

  “What about Medusa?”

  “I can handle her.” She ran out of Calli’s gate and down the road to the Gorgos estate.

  The gate was open, and she could see tire tracks from where River must have slammed on his brakes.

  Legacy knocked on the do
or.

  Nothing.

  She banged on it.

  Still no answer.

  She pulled out her phone and called River, but it went straight to voicemail.

  She figured since he was too distraught to close the gate behind him that maybe he would’ve been too distraught to lock his car. She walked over to his Mercedes and opened the door. She blasted the horn several times, but he still didn’t come out.

  Fine! If he wanted to be that way, then she’d just find a way into his house.

  She walked back to the front door and it was unlocked. Figured. She should have tried the door first since he left the gate opened.

  She walked into his house and could hear a radio blaring angry rock music. She followed the sound of guitar riffs, pounding drums, and screaming lyrics upstairs and to what she could only assume was his bedroom door.

  She knocked on it, but he didn’t answer. He probably couldn’t hear her since the music was ridiculously loud.

  She opened the door and walked in. She saw River sitting on his bed with his back to her. He had his head slumped into his hands. His shoulders were twitching.

  Oh gods, he was crying.

  She walked over to him and put her hand on his shoulder. She startled him, and his head shot up to see who was standing next to him. When he saw it was her, more tears formed in his eyes and he shook his head.

  “Go. Away.”

  She sat down beside him and turned down the radio. “No.”

  “Legacy.” River cried into his hands. “I can’t talk to you right now.”

  “We don’t have to talk about anything. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

  River lurched off his bed. “Then break up with Adin! That’s the only way I’m going to be okay.”

  She just stared at him. She wasn’t going to break up with Adin, but she didn’t want to argue with River either. He was in no condition to fight.

  After several seconds, River relaxed his stance and stepped toward her. “I just can’t get the thought of you two out of my head.”

  “Well, the ground isn’t shaking.”

  “Because I’m not thinking about how it affects me anymore. I just keep visualizing you…ugh!” He slid his hands on top of his head, clenching his hair between his fists. “I can’t stop thinking about you hooking up with him. It’s like I’ve been replaced by him in all my fantasies about you.”

  She guessed she should have known that she starred in River’s fantasies too. “Calli shouldn’t have said anything.”

  River looked at the ceiling. “Please go.”

  She stood up and stepped toward River. “Is that what you really want?”

  “No. But I can’t have what I really want.”

  He was still looking at the ceiling, and she wanted him to calm down. She reached up and wrapped her hands around his arms, and his breath caught. He lowered his head and stared at her while he released the grip he had on his hair and allowed her to pull his arms down.

  “I can’t touch you, but you can touch me?”

  “Do you want me to keep my hands to myself too?” she asked, dropping his arms. “That’s only fair, I guess.”

  “Of course I want you to touch me,” he said, stepping toward her. “If that’s what you want.”

  “What I want is for you to calm down. You may not be causing any earthquakes right now, but the wind was howling, and the river was choppy on the ride over here. Your emotions are causing problems, and I don’t want anyone to get hurt.” She turned and walked back to the bed to sit down. River stared at her from across the room.

  “Don’t sleep with him,” he whispered.

  “River, I’m not going to talk to you about that. Obviously, I shouldn’t have even said anything to Calli.”

  “Legacy, it’s too soon. You haven’t even been with him for six months.”

  “What does that have to do with anything? I highly doubt you’d be arguing from the perspective of time if that conversation happened between you and me, not me and Adin. And since it didn’t, I don’t think any amount of time would be sufficient in your eyes.”

  River started to walk toward her. “You’re right. I’ll never be okay with you being with him like that. It’s almost unbearable just knowing all the things that he gets to do with you now. I wanted to be the one to help you when you were in the hospital and stay with you after you got out.” He put his hands on his bed beside her on both sides, leaning toward her. “I want to give you roses, take you out on dates, hold your hands, stroke your hair.” He leaned his head to the side of her face. “Whisper in your ear…”

  She caught her breath, and he moved his head so that his face was right in front of hers. He tilted his head and wet his lips. “And kiss your soft lips,” he whispered, leaving his wet lips parted.

  He leaned toward her and she leaned back. She was being supported by her hands, but as she leaned away from him, she fell to her elbows. He leaned over her, bending his elbows to minimize the space between them.

  “River,” she breathed, shaking her head.

  “I’m not touching you, Legacy.”

  “I know you’re not.”

  “But I want to, and I think you want me to touch you too,” he breathed, shutting his eyes. “I want to take you in my arms and kiss you all over, never letting you go.”

  She looked away from him, feeling her lips tremble. She didn’t want to keep hurting him, but she couldn’t be what he wanted.

  River inhaled slowly along her exposed neck and stood up. She slumped completely back on his bed, staring at his ceiling fan. She put her hand on her forehead and tried to catch her breath, but as she took in shallow breaths, her breathing became hitched and she started to cry. “I-I’m sorry this is so hard for you.”

  “Legacy, please don’t cry, baby.” River lay down on his side, facing her. “I can take me being upset, but I can’t deal with you being sad, especially if I can’t hold you to comfort you.”

  She nodded and took a deep breath, but she didn’t look at him. “I don’t like you being upset either, and I know my relationship with Adin hurts you.”

  “I can’t change the way I feel about you. And even if I could so I wouldn’t hurt anymore, I still wouldn’t. As crazy as this may seem to you, I love being in love with you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

  “The experience is much better when it’s requited love.”

  River sighed. “I can only imagine, but I’m sure you’re right.”

  She leaned up and wiped her tears. “I should probably go.”

  River sat up and looked at her. “Thank you for coming and for not leaving when I asked you to.”

  “I had to make sure you were okay. Plus, someone had to bring your books back.” She smiled. “If you wanted me to leave, you would’ve had to throw me out.” She pressed her lips together.

  “Well, having you alone in my room definitely has its benefits. It gives me material for new fantasies since my old ones are tainted.” He laughed and wiggled his eyebrows.

  “I so didn’t need to know that.” She shook her head, but couldn’t help herself—she laughed with him.

  She took a deep breath and stood up. “I take it your mom’s not here?”

  River’s smile vanished. “No. She’s out of town.”

  “Trying to figure out more ways to ruin my life, no doubt.”

  “As far as I know, she’s out visiting family. But that could’ve been a cover story.”

  Legacy nodded. She was sure it was a cover story.

  River’s eyes turned soft as he looked at her. He stood up and put his hand over his heart, patting his chest. “I love you,” he mouthed without speaking the words.

  “I know,” she mouthed back.

  They stood here staring at each other for a few more seconds, and then she shifted her weight. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “I’ll walk you out.”

  River walked her back over to Calli’s house. Her BFF was sitting o
utside waiting on her. When she saw River with her, she stood up and walked toward them.

  “I’m really sorry, River. I should’ve kept my mouth shut. That was so not cool.”

  “I’m fine.” He shrugged, but Calli stepped up to him and put her arms around him. He automatically put his arms around her, but kept his eyes on Legacy. “Really, I am.”

  Calli nodded, and she pulled out of his embrace. Then she stepped over to Legacy, giving her a hug too. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “You’ve already apologized to me, Calli.”

  “I know, but I’m still sorry. You told me about that in private, so I had no right saying anything to anyone about it, especially not to River.”

  She glanced at River as she pulled away from Calli, but he had a forced smile on his face.

  River put his hands in his pockets as she walked over to her car. “I’ll see you two tomorrow.” She glanced at each of them, saving River for last.

  River pulled one of his hands out of his pocket to wave at her. She smiled and waved back.

  As she pulled out of Calli’s driveway, she saw him heading back to his house. The look on his face sent a shiver down her spine. He didn’t just look sad.

  He looked like he had been physically tortured.

  Chapter Eight

  The rest of the week Calli and River spent the afternoons at Legacy’s house preparing for their chemistry test on Friday.

  Adin was busy with his study group too. They had a big project due the first part of next week and none of them wanted to spend the weekend working on it. They stayed up late trying to get it finished, but he came by before school to visit with her and called her every night when he got home.

  The weather still seemed unseasonably cool to her, but no one really complained. The leaves started turning, and in a couple of weeks, the trees would all be a beautiful array of vibrant fall colors. She knew summer wasn’t her favorite time of year since the heat was always sweltering, but honestly, fall wasn’t either. However, she did enjoy the cool, crisp air and the beautiful scenery.